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Join Emily Bron, owner of International Lifestyle Consulting Step into a world of inspiration as Emily Bron, the owner of International Lifestyle Consulting, with special guest, Sally Ann Eddmenson, a seasoned life coach at Alchemy Life Coaching, invites you on a journey through her extraordinary life story, a story filled with adventure, resilience, and profound change.
This podcast is a celebration of change and an exploration of the remarkable ways our lives can evolve when we dare to venture beyond our comfort zones. Don’t miss this inspiring discussion on embracing change and navigating life’s journey.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Introduction
3:45 Personal Experience of a Major Life Transition
10:39 Common Challenges Faced During Significant Life Transitions
16:59 Practical Strategies for Building Resilience and Maintaining Mental Fitness During Times of Change
28:37 Most Powerful Strengths to Ease the Stress of Significant Change
37:48 Importance of “Being a Home to Yourself”
45:40 Embracing Change as an Opportunity
52:16 How to Connect with Sally Ann Eddmenson
Transcript
Emily: Hello, hello, everyone. It’s Emily Bron, owner of the International Lifestyle Consulting, and today I have pleasure to speak with my friend, I can tell it’s my friend, Sally Ann Eddmenson. And who is Sally Ann? She will tell us her story soon. But I can tell you that Sally Ann Eddmenson today is life coach at Alchemy life coaching, and she providing coaching and advices for leaders executive as relationship coach.
She’s founder of life coaching and the rest Sally will tell about herself. Thank you, Sally, for being my guest. I’m very happy to see you.
Sally: Absolutely, and I’m so pleased to be here. We always have such great conversations, Emily, so I’m really glad that we get to have one publicly.
Emily: So, your life story in short. I understand that the life is a long journey, but what you are ready to share with us today?
Sally: So the highlights, I mean, I think my life’s been defined by a few moments of personal reinvention. I believe everyone has maybe 3 4 5 moments where you completely have the opportunity to reinvent yourself.
My first reinvention came. When I moved to the United Arab Emirates from England back in 2007-8, and I was living there for 15 years. And then I’ve just done my second international relocation to my third continent. And I’m now living in Nashville in the USA. Certainly through this journey, I’ve had the opportunity to, to reinvent myself, figure out who I am, make incredible friends and travel the world. So I think the other highlight of my life has been traveling the world, making incredible connections with people. And, you know, it gives you a shift in perspective. Nothing really matches seeing that adventure firsthand. We can hear things on the news. We can read books about going exploring this amazing globe that we have.
As a traveler, as a foreigner, as a stranger in a strange land is I, for me, the great passion of my life. And now I want to share my experience with people and help others to manage that fair piece that can hold us back from doing those opportunities, taking those opportunities that life gives us.
Emily: Yes, I think exactly this moment.
It’s one of the probably features that united us as we met each other like a year ago, because I’m as well trying to share my experience with understanding that each of us experiences is unique and my life journey. It’s not like yours, but after traveling and living in different countries, we get different mindset, different outlook to the life and the world around us, correct?
Sally: Yes. And you say that you never really, you expand from that experience and you never really go back to your former shape. You don’t fit in that original container any longer and it’s something to bear in mind when we make the decision to go be an expatriate or a or foreigner and make our life somewhere else.
Emily: Yeah. And the first question, it might be a little bit longer and elaborated, but I would like the listener to be with us on the same page. So can you share your personal experience of the major life transition that prompted courageous personal reinvention and how it’s impacted your life?
Sally: Certainly. So the interesting example is, you know, I’ve just been through this again. I moved to Nashville in November last year, and this was another. Personal reinvention for me, having done that experience in the UAE for 15 years and I thought, this time I’ve got it, I will be fine because I’ve been an expat before.
I’ve moved somewhere new before and I’ve had all of that adjustment. But it got me again, it was again, an experience of uncertainty. No two transitions are the same, so I really think I’ve grown a great deal. I mean, I’ve had the benefit of being able to try and be my own coach through this experience.
Maybe I have more tips and tricks and strategies, but really the common thread, well, there are two, really. The common thread when we move somewhere new is one, you’re navigating completely new territory. That unknown. You just don’t know how much you don’t know. You’re paying attention to everything.
It can be very hard. On the psyche, because you just don’t know what is safe to ignore. So it’s really, there’s a lot of new information coming at you. Even if you have a very open minded, curious mindset towards it, it still can be a challenge, even, even going in with the right frame of mind. And I re-educated myself against, you know, what my clients are, are dealing with as they navigate these transitions.
That was, that was one thing. And then the second is. And this is the hopeful piece. You’re the common denominator. You’re the home to yourself. I often use this expression, be a home to yourself, because you have got control over how you respond to the changes. And you can really be very positive and optimistic and see the opportunities that you have coming and that you are in control.
Maybe not all of the chaos and the uncertainty, but you can control how you respond and how you tackle that that big move. So that was a fresh one for me. I’m still learning about America.
Emily: And it’s very interesting for me because you were born in UK, which is obviously not United States, but the same language and a lot of common in the culture, even it’s a different cultures.
I mean, historically and you spent years in United Arab Emirates in between expats, I believe, yes, communicating with locals as well. And with all these, I mean, You didn’t learn different language, but even using kind of the same language, it was not easy transition for you from country to country, and how you would explain it?
Sally: Well, the differences between the transitions, I’ll talk about the UAE first. So this is a massive culture of expatriates. A lot of people don’t realize that 80% of the population in the UAE, I haven’t checked the figures for a while, but that’s about it, are expatriates. So there’s a huge community of people.
I learned some wonderful lessons. where people would just step in and help you because they’d also been an expatriate before. And the thing that you have to remember is when you’re an expat or a foreigner in a new country, you don’t have that stable support system that you left your friends and people that you’ve known for many years, your family, like everything is familiar.
And it was really wonderful when I first moved in 2008 people just came out as a woodwork to help, to offer you guidance, to tell you how to do things for kind of no reason. You’re like, why are these people so warmly inviting me into their experience? And I think as you spend time there for a bit longer and you also are learning and mastering your new environment, you start to do that for new people as well.
So you kind of pay it forward. I think this was my biggest lesson from living in the UAE pay it forward. You have an opportunity to ease people’s transitions. And in fact, I was a realtor for 10 years and that was also a very stressful situation for people moving house often in a new country or they’re fairly new to the country.
That’s a big life change, a big transition. So then moving to the US, to America, you think, well, I’ve kind of done this before. I’ve got this. It’s not going to be so difficult. But of course, it’s not as much of an expatriate culture. People do relocate a lot. This is something I’ve come to learn.
Lots of American citizens move around within the country and will live. between different states. They maybe go to university or college one place and they go and settle down in another place. So that common experience of relocation is a common one. But because you don’t have to learn a new language, you imagine that you understand the culture.
And it’s so differently rooted, you know, that the values and the ethos of life in America is not the same as the European persuasion, so you can make a lot of assumptions that are dead wrong about how it is to to live here. It’s very important to keep an open mind and just ask people questions and be curious and not make the assumption that you, you understand what makes people tick here.
So many words are wrong as well. I have to run everything through the English to American filter to make myself understood now, which I wasn’t really expecting.
Emily: Very Very interesting. And I like it. And I like this actually uncertainty. Already became and I believe would be part of our life in these times of uncertainty we are living in and to develop the skills and actually open mind and accept it as a part of your life.
I think it’s one of the advices or probably you would develop some techniques, but to accept it because it’s kind of it’s what is life about. Sorry. I took some time from your story, but it’s how I feel because looking back at my life, which like I’ve had immigration every time. I needed to learn language to change profession and it was really very stressful, but we didn’t have a lot of information back then when I left, you know, former Soviet Union, it was no time of internet and things look different now from one side, it’s kind of easy because you have information, but sometimes information can be overwhelming.
So, I am interested. And the next question would be just a little bit more close to your current activity. As a coach for leaders and executives who are navigating expatriation, I understand you’re working with this cohort as well. What are the common challenges they face during this life transition?
And how do you help them to overcome this hurdles?
Sally: Well, it’s interesting, Emily, that you mention about we can get so much information from the internet because absolutely we can, but there’s all these logistical things to manage. We need to move our stuff. We need to get visas. We need to do the kind of travel aspect.
But I think a lot of people underestimate the psychological impact that it has to move somewhere else. There are many things that come up for people. It’s good you mentioned adaptability because this flexibility, adaptability, I think is held as like the number one trait that’s likely to make you successful.
In your transition, I think there’s an old stat. I haven’t checked the recent figures, but it was something like 10 to 45% of US people who are relocating as expats did not have a successful transition, didn’t manage to stay as long as they intended to. I think sometimes we keep one foot in the other country.
You don’t properly cut ourselves and really immerse ourselves in the new culture. And that can maybe be something that comes up as a problem for people, but I think loneliness and isolation can be an issue. We can be unclear about our identity. You kind of want to retain the thing that makes you unique and your understanding of your own culture, yet it’s so important to integrate.
And adapt with the people that are hosting you where you’ve become a foreigner so that you feel and connection connection is so, so important, making community with people. And if we can’t be vulnerable and we don’t go first and make connections with others, we never really fully integrate. But I think the biggest immediate thing is not having the patience and the kindness with ourselves to understand that, like, it takes time to get used to things. It’s like I said before, it’s very hard on the system to be navigating a completely new territory and that’s not normal. That’s not the same as living your comfortable, regular life. So having rituals can be important.
It may be that you just have rituals and structure, like you take a shower at the same day, same time every day and you kind of have a little organized way that you begin your day and that that’s a given and that’s one structure that you put in place, like organizing one room when you’ve moved to your new place so that it feels comfortable.
You have like somewhere as a refuge that you can go and find them. kind of in a sanctum so that you can go back out and meet the world afresh again. So I mean, that’s a good tip. I think the other one is very quickly just get out there and start meeting people and navigating your environment because the biggest resistance that we have is fear.
It’s just fear of the unknown. Things don’t make sense to you. Absolutely everything is new. Even I’m finding navigating the supermarket, like I don’t recognize a single brand and it sounds so small, but when every single aspect of your day is all new. I mean, it takes a top, so be patient with yourself and kind to yourself and maybe expect that it’s going to take a lot longer for you to actually really integrate and feel at home than you’d expect it, than you’d expect it to.
So sometimes we just need a little bit of kindness to ourselves to take it slow.
Emily: Yes I agree and I know how hard it is. And you know my small tips even in my city in areas that I kind of know and live for more than 20 years, sometimes as a preparation I’m telling myself Like, go to another store, to the new chain, to the new area, and in a big city, like as a Toronto, as Toronto, I can find these places.
And, actually, I feel like I’m on the new territory, because, you know, it’s a very multinational city, and I can go to the Indian store, or you know, another store, and even if it’s still Toronto, but it will be completely different environment, different brands different people around kind of, you know, in a majority.
And I’m telling myself okay, there’s exercise. It will help you to navigate. It’s a small one. Yes. Comparing this all new environment you might find in different health country, but it’s kind of exercise to be prepared and oriented in a, in a new environment that you mentioned supermarket.
Sally: Yeah.
But that’s it. It happens a step at a time. I won’t go on about it, but I often reference climbing Kilimanjaro was one of the most amazing things that I did. But the biggest lesson I took from this is how do you climb a mountain? You literally put one foot in front of the other. Two inches at a time, sometimes.
Just one step, one step. You don’t reach the goal in one, in one go. And this is how we adapt to our new environment. It’s all the little tiny things that add up. I also think you should do it immediately when you arrive because people tend to have a honeymoon phase. The first two or three months are really super exciting.
You’re like a child. You have this wonder and curiosity and then sometimes a little bit of grief can hit for the life that you left behind, for the fact that you’re just this, you know, person like in the world, on your, this map pin on the globe and you can feel quite lost and, and alone. And if you’ve used that first couple of months when you’re on the high of the relocation to actually make some connections and start navigating your territory and start mapping, even for your brain, mapping those new territories. It kind of gives you something to fall back on when the doldrums strike as they can do and be prepared for that because that can happen to all of us.
Emily: Yeah, it’s nice whatever you now tell us and it’s actually leading to the question exactly you started already answering and you mentioned uncertainty or fear of unknown, and we all know that navigating uncertainty can be daunting.
It’s actually full of fears for somebody. So what are some practical strategies you can recommend for building resilience? And maintaining mental fitness during the times of change.
Sally: Yeah, well, so that’s a great thing to reflect on because I think you can do stuff before you even make the move. One of the worst points in time
when you’re anticipating a relocation is the anticipatory anxiety before it happens. When you know it’s coming and there’s not really anything that you can do yet, it’s not time, and you can use this time to build up your own resilience, you know, maybe practice getting out of your comfort zone. But I always say that resilience is kind of built from three steps.
So the first one is managing yourself in the moment. Actually having practical strategies for managing overwhelm so that when we actually feel a bit panicked and we’re like, oh, what am I doing? You can stop, you can learn. You can exercise a mental muscle, the more you practice, the more you get strong in it, like, like doing reps with a physical muscle.
I use a positive intelligence program, Shazad Shamim. People should look into his book to actually don’t follow the hijacked thought that can kind of spin you out and take you down rabbit hole of worry, but instead try and apply positive thinking and a sage approach to this panic that you can often have in the face of fear and hijacking in the moment.
So that’s the first thing. The second thing is bounce back quicker. Just learn how to have a growth mindset. All of the challenges, things that go wrong, nothing will ever go to plan. When we have a great goal and some big adventure we’re going on, there’s always going to be ups and downs and things that don’t go right.
If we have a fixed mindset, we don’t really respond in a very favorable, helpful way towards that. It’s so much better to understand that we really are malleable. We have plastic brains that can change and grow and learn over time. And it really gives you faith. That you can navigate the change and be open to that growth, and you can see setbacks as instructions as you iterate your path towards where you’re going.
And then the last thing is fortify your foundations. So that’s about being really, like, know thyself, as Socrates says, be clear on your values and set some intentions, because there’s two parts to it. The intentions is like what you want to experience of yourself in this new territory. You have a chance to reinvent yourself when you move to a new place.
You can drop bits of your personality that don’t serve you any longer, and maybe you can bring new things to the floor in this new environment that is, that can support you may wanna be more creative or in Nashville, you, you get more into music and you know, all these kind of bahamian and arts things around, like lean into that, if that’s a strength and a personality trait that you have.
Or maybe you want to travel. So choose what you want to make your environment, what you want to experience there. So there’s some intentionality to the experience. And then the other part really is connecting with people. That’s another way of fortifying your foundations. I think getting your people landscape sorted early, starting to find people where you can have a conversation and you feel known.
And you can share stories and you feel like you’re seen by people. That really Takes away the loneliness that you can feel. So try and quickly find your community. In fact, that’s something I’ve, I’ve done. I’ve been running meetup groups since I’ve arrived the last several months, because I just think being a crucible for people to come together and just recognize, oh, they’re not so different.
We all have the same struggles, like let’s have a really lovely, warm, shared conversation about, you know, how hard life can be and how hard it can be to move to a new place. And I’m hoping, hopefully this is my pay it forward in action, trying to create the Container for people to make those connections who are also new to the city who are also experiencing this because once you’ve got a few friends, you’ve got a few rocks in the ground, then you can expand from there.
But those connections are really important.
Emily: Interesting examples of meetup and here are my question.
What you would suggest for people who just relocated or recently immigrated, to connect with locals? If language allowed, I mean, to communicate or it’s better to connect with expat community with people who already get through, you know, the same steps, issues and challenges being maybe earlier this place because as you mentioned before, and it’s the same, my experience, But it’s for me like tendency to communicate in the beginning with expats because we kind of better understand each other.
We’ve had the same challenges and maybe aspiration. And after then gradually start communicating with locals, but other people have different strategy. I would say they trying to get kind of out of expat community. I don’t know if it’s comfort zone because still it’s new people and they kind of diving directly to the local life, trying to communicate with locals.
What is your approach here and advice?
Sally: Well, I think a mixture of both, really. I think a mixture of both. It’s important to try and find people that share your experience. And in fact, the reason that we chose Nashville. Was kind of that for a mixture of both. I think being really intentional about where you place yourself, if you’re able to have control over it, where you pick that it supports your your aspirations for life.
But the reason that we picked Nashville was because I knew that there was a growing community. It’s like the real it city now. There’s a lot of people moving into Nashville. So, you know, you’re going to find those who are new. Who have not been there forever and have that same experience, that cosmopolitan mindset, but also it’s the South.
It’s like a really community focused place. In fact, my next door neighbors dropped a loaf of sourdough bread off the morning I arrived as just a lovely, welcoming gesture. So I really think the secret is, is a mixture of both. You are absolutely right to say it’s like comfort zone. And if we move somewhere where there are other expats, we can be tempted to just kind of stay in that bubble because we’re understood and we have these shared experiences.
But I think that’s something that makes people maybe ultimately not be successful. I used to know people in the UAE who they would spend every holiday they had, they would go back to the UK or back to their country of origin. And I mean, that’s great. Keep like maintain your friendships and your family.
But it was as though they had one foot still back. They never really let themselves. grow and like expand into the new country. So I think it’s really important to start speaking to locals to like really help you to acclimate and integrate. So yeah, a mixture of both really is probably the ideal. That’s worked for me.
And you kind of got to throw yourself into it. It’s not going to be comfortable, but the best thing, the best tip I have for meeting new people is give them an opportunity to help you. You will have so many questions and things that you could Ask for, and if you’re brave enough to go first, you think how wonderful it is when you have the opportunity to do something for someone and you can help them with maybe a small investment on your part.
You can give them some advice or put them in touch with somebody or give them some information that will help them. And you feel really good. So that’s a gift that you can give the people that you’re trying to connect with that actually knew. You’re in the kind of deficit because they’ve done something for you, but that makes them feel good.
So that can be a really counterintuitive tip for making new friends and making connections with people. Just ask for something small and let them help you. It can be difficult for us high achievers to ask for help.
Emily: Yes, that’s why I think for some of the people based on personality or circumstances actually at the beginning to be an expat community if it gives some comfort.
Like, why not? Like because there is enough stress, you know, relocation, sometimes new language, new environment, home, looking for job for, like, there are so many uncomfortable things that sometimes it’s good to be in your comfort zone and if you can find it, In between expats who might better understand your challenges because they living through the same or they still remember how it was in the past.
Why not? But in order to really accommodate or be part of the local culture, obviously you need to get out. You need to try At least to get authentic connection with people. And for some it might be issue of language, again, how to express yourself you know, in new country, in new culture.
And it’s not only language, you know, sometimes it’s different manners, different mentalities that you need time to adjust to. And it’s not in each co country. Like women can come and, you know, openly. Start conversation with the men, just, you know, in order to to get some human connection. I, I mean like it should be all adaptable to the, to the culture and it all takes time.
And I believe with open mind, again, as you say, with proper training, maybe with giving yourself time, you, you will get it, you know, but sometimes, at least in my experience, observing other people, you know, you still use yourself, like you still this container, as you mentioned before, and if, After many years, something in yourself still feel uncomfortable with your new place, even you adjusted, even you did kind of your fair share of work, and you build your life in this place, you might feel that it’s not, and it might be valid reasons, because we are all different, yes?
That’s why some people actually leaving their country, some people leaving in search for adventure, in search of better lifestyle, different reasons, but I believe some people feel they don’t belong here anymore. Yes, it’s a little bit different aspect, but yes, I just get to this way of thinking and and it’s all shape us.
Yes, I mean, all our experiences, interaction with people, changes in society, changes in us, maybe our aging, you know, processes, which change our outlook of the world.
So my next question may be related, maybe not, but in your experience, what are some of the most powerful strengths? That individuals can tap into to ease the stress of significant change and embrace opportunity for growth, for the personal growth.
Sally: Yeah. Well, so I love what you mentioned about maybe never quite feeling like we fit in as an expat. And I think that’s one strength to embrace, because you’re always going to be a little bit different a stranger in a strange land.
When you move somewhere, that’s a strength to recognize. Like, what that makes you interesting to people.
So I think that’s something to embrace. like, courage, courage is another huge one.
Emily: Yeah, actually, when you go back even to your own country, after years living in a different one, you are a stranger in your home country. Yes, you shared with me last year or more than how you felt kind of uncomfortable in UK after years of life and in the Middle East.
Yes. And even probably now coming from United States back home to visit family, you already feel different level of foreigner, being foreigner in your own home country. Correct?
Sally: Yeah, absolutely. It’s something that’s really worth considering when you’re talking about becoming an expat is that you, you will be changed like forever so that you go back to your home country and you’ve grown.
And like I said at the beginning, you’re like a container and you, you grow from your experiences and you learn this courage that not everybody accesses in their life. Maybe they stay in their hometown and we need, we need those people to run the farms and, you know, manage all of those things in life, which need need to be consistent, but I do believe there’s kind of a breed of people and you’re one and I am one that are kind of adventurers that go off on our journeys and find new lands.
And just like accepting that about yourself, that you’ll go back home and there’ll be elements of your life that people don’t understand. So trying to find your tribe and find the people that you can share that common experience with is really important. But then also recognizing that there are different people who you know, they want to have a more stable life without those those big transitions and if you’re wired for change, then, you know, embrace that, but recognize that it’s it’s a threshold that you pass and you can kind of never really go back. And there is something to acknowledge is there’s a real grief that needs to be accepted for that life that you’ve left behind the ways, the relationship
Emily: with the old, young you.
Sally: The old you, the ways that you’re like, you find new ways to manage your friendships and your family, but it’s not the same.
You’re not there and there every day, every moment. So you need to find a new way of relating with the important people in your life. Those people that are the continuous elements through your life. And, you know, it would be. It would be missing a half of the story to say that there isn’t a certain degree of grief.
At the end of, even me leaving Dubai and Abu Dhabi, I, first few months, like a child, I was very curious. I was having a wonderful time. And then it kind of hit me, three months into being here, those relationships with those wonderful people. And some of them might be on now watching. Hi, if you’re, if you’re here, you know who you are.
They’ve changed forever and we still maintain our friendships, but it’s not like they’re going to be dropping Royal for dinner. So you have to be able to handle and hold that grief for those the consequences of the choices that you’ve made to go and have this big, this big adventure and this big exploration.
And I think having some, some kindness to yourself around that is important. You know, feel the emotions, like label the emotions that you have, accept them. And then as we, you know, say, then act on your values. And if your values are, I want adventure and freedom and variety and to experience the vastness of the world and experience of travel of, like, opening my eyes to new cultures. That’s, that’s your chosen path, but you need to be certain that that’s your that’s your vibe, that they’re your values. And it’s good, everything, every decision, yes, is a no to something else, right? So, recognizing what you’re saying no to by becoming an expat there’s a lot of grief and change that we have to be the container for. We have to handle the fact that we’ve become a different person and you don’t fit genie back in the bottle.
Emily: But, yeah, we spoke about the griefs, but what about a powerful strength in us?
What we need to put on the other side what you would say about this side? And I understand it’s not for everyone, but some people develop this. Internal strengths, I would say inside or maybe Lord to be because they understood there is no other way to survive, like mental health and all this and others couldn’t, but can you name it this powerful internal characteristics, strengths, features.
Sally: So I think it may be different for everyone, but the common ones, I would say, is a sense of personal agency that you’re being intentional about your life and you’re making these big changes that some other people may just think about, but you’re actually doing it. So you’re acting it out.
I think courage, draw strong in your courage and just recognize That you do something powerful by making this huge transition in your life and we honor that fact, honor your, your courage. But then the other thing to know that we tap into with coaching is what your personal strengths are. Like for me, it’s I’m a constant learner.
I love input. They’re my top strengths, like the constant inflow of information. If you know these things about yourself, you can work out how they’re going to. Support your journey and how they can actually be something that you that you pay forward and that you can use in service of other people.
So for me, the most important thing to do is get connected with others and find ways that I can influence. People having relationships being kind of super connected and making sure that people get those those things, but you may have different strengths and recognizing what they are leaning into those.
That’s when we feel our most powerful when we’re kind of in flow with who we are. And there are cooler, certain traits that make you more likely to be successful or interested in being an expat. That would be open mindedness, flexibility, and adaptability, like a little emotional intelligence, cultural sensitivity, that adventurousness, that sense of wanting freedom.
They’re probably common themes that most expats have part of that in , their characteristics, but then the rest is unique to you. Like, what do you have is your strength that you can bring to this situation? You can find a new way to bring out in service, well, in service to other people as well.
Emily: I think if you’re asking me now, I thought at the same time, it’s probably my curiosity, you know, curiosity to life, curiosity to something new. It’s actually what can give me, strengths, even in some downtime. If I hear something, what I assume interesting, something that I would like to go and explore even more.
And probably I know it’s a little bit cliche. Open mindedness we are still trying to develop to accept like different opinion, different way of living, different culture different sense of time, even and, you know, in different cultures, there are some interesting novel ways of accepting things.
It doesn’t mean that I can’t personally accept all of this. But for me, it’s important if I understand why it is and how it is, or if I know it’s already enriching my life experience. It’s already maybe make easy my communication with local people because now I understand the motives or cultural, you know, roots of this or other events because By the way, what personally I am stumbled often thinking about, like, why is this person do this way?
Why his answers this way, you know? And I understand that there are some cultural differences might be, but there are some different way of thinking, yes, or perceiving. Like for me, again, it’s This curiosity, which actually, sometimes for me, curiosity is bigger than fear. I know it shouldn’t be this way.
Sally: That’s perfect. That’s a great quality.
Emily: But, but yes, and I think now we kind of sliding to the next question.
If you can talk and you already, touch several times in our conversation. Talking about importance of being home to yourself. Can you elaborate a little bit on this concept and how it’s relate to personal reinvention?
Maybe giving examples from your own life.
Sally: Well, Emily, I think you just gave a really great example for yourself because you’ve made friends with your curiosity, and that’s a value that you have, and that’s a personality trait that you have that’s made you able to be a successful expat, and it’s so important to make friends with what we don’t know.
There’s so much more to life that you don’t know than what you do know. So that curiosity and that open mindedness is precisely that, a way of, of being a home to yourself. It’s just recognizing that’s who I am and that’s a skill and a strength that I can bring out in my conversations with people.
And it’s wonderful to make new connections when you’re trying to integrate with the locals that they feel listened to. That that curiosity is just a gift to people to be able to explain themselves, to be able to Find someone who’s interested in them and we can always find this is a wonderful kind of relationship building innovation exercise that we do in coaching, you can always find 10% that the other person, even if you don’t agree with them, you can always find that nugget of 10% of what they’re saying that makes sense that you like that you can build on and that open hearted, innovative way of looking at relationship that curiosity is something that’s Building.
It’s open. It’s like I’m feeling like my heart is open when I’m thinking about that, rather than having been very clear and what our biases are and what our kind of ideology of life is and being close to that. That’s, that’s not very supportive when we’re trying to integrate into a new place. So really the being a home to yourself is a kind of expression that has come to mind for me over the last couple of years.
So much so that I have all my business cards because that’s what it’s really about. At the end of the day, a transition, it might be any kind of transition in life, a divorce, a big career change, a relocation, or an expatriation, becoming a foreigner somewhere. They are, it’s really fear versus love. It’s really how can you overcome your fear and do things intentionally from a place of love, from a place of approach, from a kind of willingness to put yourself out of your comfort zone. And in order to do that, we need to really understand who we are. You might not have a perfect face, but we’re always unfolding to ourself across our, our whole life.
But to just understand those qualities that you have, what you can offer to people I often think when we get really caught up in our own mind and I’m worried about the sort of panicked aspects of being new somewhere, that the antidote to that, because we can get very caught up in our own heads sometimes, is to find a way to be of service and to give and just volunteer. And this can be another way you would say, even if you have a language barrier, I’ve had communications with people in Turkey over a cup of tea where we had no common language whatsoever. And we just had a conversation of the heart.
And you’re left feeling, feeling uplifted. So if you’re caught up in your own head and you’re kind of not adapting well, just put yourself somewhere where you can be of service and you can give from what you have to other people. It’s a really great way of getting your attention off the self consciousness of being new somewhere because then you find a use for yourself.
Emily: I think it’s a beautiful example and I’m I completely agree with you because again, thinking about our conversation like 10, 15 minutes ago the notion kind of already known in between expats is that you will be foreigner in every place, actually, in place, in your place you are now, in previous place you left maybe 10 years ago, and in your home country, even with your family, you will feel kind of Not completely part of, and it’s a grief that I keep in myself, like, because I feel how I change versus, they are, and it’s not giving me satisfaction, you know, no, because I want to go to our previous level of interaction, I would say.
But with all this we kind of losing roots because, you know, socially we need roots. Like family connection, roots with I don’t know, this land, with this culture, with these people. And being kind of uprooted as, as we became, you know, moving from country to country, even it’s kind of slow. I’m not speaking about, you know, three months into traveling.
I’m speaking about living in a new place. Only being at home to yourself. Meaning. Finding this roots inside can make us whole and maybe balanced with all this moving parts of ourselves.
Sally: You’ve got it. Exactly. That’s just a beautiful way of expressing it in order to be not kind of dependent on all the relationships you have with people.
We need to be really strongly, firmly rooted in ourselves first, because you are the common denominator. Like you, you can have a suitcase of things and you can have your stuff halfway between here and there, but if you feel a home to yourself, you can make that home anywhere. Like home is an attitude, I think, rather than An actual physical place.
You learn that very quickly when you’re an expat, right? Home is like the sense of I can calm myself. I’m grounded. Like I belong and I take up space. So yeah, you, you got it. Absolutely.
Emily: Just side question I get now, like your our chemistry academy, is it coming from famous book of Coelho?
Alchemist?
Sally: Well, so alchemy.
Emily: He remembers his book and actually having all this circle around and searches for himself for his aspiration, person actually coming back home in a book.
Sally: Yeah, I thought a lot about, so there’s the alchemist, that’s Paul Coelho, yeah? But then Jung mentions alchemy a lot, and then I think Even the snitch in in Harry Potter is like an alchemical symbol.
So there’s a lot of old history of the word alchemy. Obviously it means transformation in the typical sense. It was like turning base metal into gold and this like transformative process. So for me, that’s the metaphor. For the coaching journey to like take something simple or some difficult transaction or transformation that you have in your life and turn it into gold.
That’s, that’s it. But yeah, it has deep roots in all kinds of kind of magical, mystical psychology and Jung, the alchemist. It was a very evocative word for me that has a lot of like depth and and meaning. So thanks for asking.
Emily: Okay. Okay. And it’s a bring me now to the next question. Actually, I’m checking the chat.
I don’t see any specific question. Probably all people so kind of involved in our conversations that they don’t have any additional question. And I understand sometimes it’s a good sign. And I’m interested to get more and more from, like, you, your experience, your opinion, your professional expertise.
And we know that. Change can bring up fears and resistance, internal resistance. How do you encourage people, individuals, to embrace change as an opportunity rather than being overwhelmed by it?
Sally: Yeah, as you were asking that I just had this insight around again, this positive intelligence is one of the many things that I use in my modalities that I use in my practice, but there’s a wonderful piece in the boot camp, let’s say, where we talk about the sage perspective. So this is not my idea. This is credit to Shirzad Shamim. But the sage perspective is how can I turn every bad thing, where I’m like, this is bad, bad, bad, this is like a terrible thing to have happened.
Everything can be turned into a gift and an opportunity. If we can really apply ourself to find what’s the gift. If we use blameless discernment and we’re not panicked by the thing that’s gone wrong or the thing that hasn’t gone to plan and we’re like, well, how can I figure out what went wrong? What needs to be adjusted or adapted?
Not throw the whole baby out with the bathwater, but what small adjustment needs to be made so they get it better next time. I mean, everything. It’s like that in life. But when you can truly, truly embrace that mindset and it’s a powerful shift, there’s nothing that can happen that can go wrong, that you don’t, you go for the great thing, like if you have a goal and you have some big aim, that’s, that’s very important to you, like, go for it.
But there will be hiccups along the way if you can learn to see the hiccups as things which are inevitable and also opportunities for you to adapt your plan then. There’s really nothing to fear, even if the worst case scenario happened, you will be okay and you will find a way when you, when you’ve grown from that experience of being an expat, that courage, that adaptability that you’ve exercised in the world.
We can really find our way through any number of unknown challenges. So, so I think that’s the biggest thing is accepting that everything that goes wrong in life, go for the big thing, but if you don’t get there and it doesn’t quite work out as you anticipated. How can I turn that into a gift and opportunity?
So even that disaster, that thing that didn’t work out, maybe that was the best thing that ever happened to me. And actually we do this exercise where you look back over your life and you will see that the times of biggest grief and difficulty and challenge. Mountains of something which has been a struggle for you are often the moments of complete transformation and personal reinvention that you probably wouldn’t have changed that thing going wrong because you grew so much from that, like, we all want an easy life, but that doesn’t get you to expand to your full potential of who you really can be.
We need the challenges of life and becoming an expat and relocating overseas for sure is something that. It’s got to be up there on the list of transformative experiences that we can, we can grow from. So just accepting, just accepting that that’s that’s all part of the journey of finding new ways to express yourself and to be getting to turn on other parts of your personality against those challenges.
They’re often the thing that make you, that you wouldn’t even change it if you had the chance.
Emily: Wonderful, wonderful words, and I’m just thinking that just you know sometimes when I just communicating with person I just, met recently when I know that person had some expat experience or immigrated or relocated or maybe traveled a lot.
I immediately I’m switching to different type of conversation because you know, I, I feel that I can speak. You know, from the different perspective, rather than with people who, with all respect, who lived all life in their own country, and they might know better, like, about how to live in their own country, but as a person,
like I feel we can find more in common with people with similar background, even it was different, like different countries, different circumstances, but this probably commonality and experience in resistance and growing up. In changing, in overcoming challenges, I think it’s probably what make us stronger, I would say.
And why we feel more comfortable with people like us.
Sally: Yeah, and that’s why we become friends, Emily, you’re absolutely right. It’s like, it’s kind of a special club. And when you’re in the expat club. You are always an expat. Even if you’ve moved back home, there’s this like secret specialness that you’ve experienced of the, of, of life.
Like the biggest mind opening experience you can have, I think, is to travel and to go experience all the different cultures. So when you come together with people that also share those experiences, I do kind of have a theory that there’s, there’s maybe a percentage of the population that have the gene you know, in their DNA to go out and be the wonderer.
It goes and finds new lands and comes back with the information. And I kind of think that’s what it is. We’re like, we’re hard to pin down.
Emily: This nomadic gene, you know, in some of us nomadics, like we all started this way. I mean, as a people, as a nation, and some of them, it’s still prevailing.
Sally: Yeah. Yeah. We find each other and we recognize, and there’s like. So what you leave behind, that grief, we’re talking about the life you didn’t have, you do find it In the people that you meet and the other people that have shared this experience. And just like one last point, when I first moved, and I do refer to this in an article I wrote on LinkedIn Lost in Translation, way before I moved, I found this article someone had written saying that when you’re an expat, you never really belong anywhere because there’s a people we love over here and experiences you had here and then something in this other country and you can’t bring it all together in the same place, but through the people, through the people that also have that nomadic experience, you can kind of share the trials and tribulations and the joys and the griefs together and we find like our unity and we find our home in that community.
Emily: Oh, Sally Ann, I can speak with you for hours, but like our time is coming and I hope that our listeners if not entertained to at least get a lot of valuable information.
And my last question, actually, how to find Sally Ann, how to connect with you. Yeah, well, despite my world travels, I’m pretty easy to find so precisely on LinkedIn.
Sally: Please come and join me, connect with me, direct message me on LinkedIn. But then you can also go to my website, alchemylc.com. And join my newsletter and I will be sharing all my reflections and tips and tricks with people on the newsletter. That’s a really great way to stay connected as well.
Emily: Thank you very much. Thank you, Sally, for your time, for the words of wisdom, actually for energy. Thank you. And let’s continue our journey. And I believe we will have another meeting in real life as well. I’m a lot closer. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone who was listening to us.
God bless all of you. Thank you. Bye.
Guest Profile
As an executive life coach I help emerging female leaders who want it all, to deal with the Imposter Syndrome (or any other way they are sabotaging themselves) that’s leaving them exhausted at work, so they can achieve inspiring goals in the rest of their life and leave no dream behind. I work particularly well with adventurous and driven women, ready to find the self-belief they need to confidently transition into a new leadership role and begin to shape the personal leadership style that will carry their career forwards, without sacrificing the other parts of their life which give them joy and meaning. As a British ex-patriate who lived in the UAE for 15 years I’ve spent over twenty-five years immersed in competitive, complex and time-sensitive environments and understand the high pressure, performance driven environment. My curiosity about people, how they live and what drives them has taken me to over 60 countries as a traveller, and led eventually to a career in coaching. A desire to support others to make intentional, thoughtful decisions about the big pieces of their life (and work smarter not harder to get where they are going) has evolved into coaching high achievers to excel in both their professional and their personal lives. My own leadership path took me through an early career in broadcast television and business development in the media sector, followed by ownership of a luxury retail boutique and then a move into luxury real estate sales working for ten years with a HNW and UHNW global clientele in both Dubai and Abu Dhabi. Always working broadly across diverse countries and cultures, I’m a huge believer in the power of personal connection and community to create belonging, support and reach. I’ve served in a chapter Leadership position with the networking group BNI (Business Networking International) in Dubai. My graduate degree is from the University of London (QMW) and I trained with the ILCT (Institute for Life Coach Training, Hudson, Ohio) as a coach. In my spare time I read books, collect art and ideas, cook, dive and climb mountains (Kilimanjaro 2014, Everest Base Camp 2017) and am married to an American.
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Do you want to change your life? Do you want to see the world and learn new things?
Sally Ann Eddmenson is a woman who knows how to change her life.
She believes that we all have moments in life when we can choose a different path. In 2007, she decided to move to the United Arab Emirates from England. It was time to try something exciting and new. So, she started a 15-year adventure that changed her life forever.
Now, Sally Ann lives in Nashville, USA. She moved to another continent, but Sally Ann’s story goes beyond geographical leaps. It’s about the incredible people she met, the friendships she built, and the lessons learned from diverse cultures that made her who she is.
Sally Ann Eddmenson is a passionate traveller. Travelling, for Sally Ann, isn’t just ticking places off a map. When you travel, you see different places, meet different people, and experience different things. You get out of your comfort zone and open your mind. You learn new things and grow as a person.
She is not afraid to go to new places and try new things. She loves to explore the world and discover its beauty. She says that travelling changed her life, and she can never go back to who she was before.
Now, Sally Ann wants to share her magic with others. She wants to help people who want to change their lives too. She’s a life coach who helps people find their true selves and follow their dreams. She shares her own story as proof that change is possible and a good thing. According to her, we shouldn’t be scared of change, but instead, we should welcome it with open arms.
Are you ready to change your life? Sally Ann Eddmenson’s story tells us that we can do it. We just have to be brave and take the first step.
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